Hi readers! My real apologies if this one dusts a few feathers here and there. But I feel that the world has waited long enough and it is time to break my “media silence” on the growing terrorist movement that is slowly claiming territory on our shores. Earlier I warned that the terrorists are clearly smart enough to Think Like A Hawk as I like to say and that they are actively planning to claim the moon as a secret lab from which to hatch their plans. Well things are really heating up as I found out when thanks to a check that arrived last week from a small claims decision I filed a few months back against a certain ex-neighbor of mine and I was able to use the money to get my telescope out of hock in St. Louis (I could have done it before, but Linda Junior was not available to drive me and it is not just the cost of the hock, it’s also the gas.) With the help of my lovely landlady Chloe Millstone and one of her young but still strong sons I was able to get the ‘scope installed on the back patio with the assurance that I would be able to use it whenever I was in the “star-gazing mood” but only when the landlady and her husband were not using the master bedroom at the time, since I have to walk through it to get to the ‘scope.
Well readers an opportunity presented itself last week and I went “into the lion’s den” so to speak and crossed it to get to the patio where I immediately directed my gaze to the skies. Your Favorite Cartoonist was a little bit rusty on the stargazing skills and owing to light fog conditions over Hayti that night, it took some doing to find the moon, but once I zeroed in on it I saw a mysterious dark patch that I for sure had not noticed before readers!!! You should also know about me that I am kind of an “old hand” at scrutinizing satellite photos for signs of Foul Play, having independently confirmed the government’s assertions in previous wars about where missiles were located in different hostile countries in the Middle East and various islands (from just an old Intel 486 mind you with only 256 colors!!!) and so I was not surprised to note… well… maybe I shouldn’t say here on the off chance that some of you are involved in the terrorist actions in New York’s Zamboni park or other of the terrorist cells around the state. But if you are one of the readers that I know from reading my cyber-security logs that is located at the ThePentagon.com domain then please get in touch with me. I do not approve of the fact that you have access to my secret email account in your databases but I am willing to let you use it to contact me so that I can be flown to Washington to discuss these findings with should alarm any decent American. I can not go on Fridays because that is my writing day at Shoney’s but any other day is okay as long as I am given 24 hours notice.
This is getting a little long winded readers, so I won’t bore you with the details of accidentally walking in on the Family Millstone in a slightly compromising position (they did not realize I was performing acts of national security on their back patio) and the subsequent explanations that followed. Instead I will just let you enjoy the “gentle fun” I poke at the terror cell that is currently occupying our Land, and I will see you tomorrow!!!
May the Laughs Be With You,
Steve “J. Edgar” Junior