Dear Readers of the Stanford Webcomics Experiment,
In the tradition of John the Baptist, I want to introduce you to a man named Byron X. Seng. He lives in Hayti, Missouri at 287 Ash Drive and he is the inventor of the chakra ring. I will now ask a question that will have literally no meaning after today:
“Have you never heard of chakra rings???”
Mr. Byron X. Seng is currently working with the Steve Junior Incorporated LLC MEDIA TEAM (currently accepting volunteers please see our posting on the stlouis.craigslist.org website!!!! The posting is frequently flagged for removal by ENEMIES OF WORLD-FREEDOM so you will have to continue to reload the page, probably at a frequency of about thirty-eight seconds per click, I am informed by Mr. Byron X. Seng) to establish a website about the power of “chakra rings” that will not give you false data about this innovation. However as the proud owner of a pair of “chakra rings” for the past six days after a chance meeting at the Hayti, MO Mensa chapter, at which Mr. Seng was being inaugurated and introduced to the rest of us within the chapter and as part of his introduction mentioned his pioneering work in “gravimagnetics”, which will be the science of the 21st century as atomics and lightning were of the 20th, I can swear to you that my life is 700% improved by the power of these rings! I noticed using careful scientific inspection of the mirror in the downstairs bathroom of the Millstone’s house that a mole on my nose has shrunk by at least a quarter of an inch since I “initiated” the “experiment” with the rings, and I have also noticed a slightly higher “spring” to my step, as assessed by walking against the wall with a stick of chalk held as high as I could hold it in my arm and measuring the mark left at the apex of my tread. I have been so energized by the power of the rings that I actually refused the Burger Bar at Shoney’s on Friday in favor of a simple glass of water, and requested the kitchen to put basil, rosemary, garlic, and cayenne herb in the glass. I do not know how I knew to request those specific herbs, but it was the most delicious water I had ever tasted. It is as if my body “understood” things that my mind could not!
Here is the explanation for the miracle. But the gravimetric properties of the rings essentially energize your cells in order to release the seven-chakra energy contained in each molecule of your body, making someone who is using the rings LITERALLY SEVEN TIMES MORE POWERFUL THAN ONE WHO IS NOT. I am literally seven times more efficient than all of you dear readers!!!!
That can change however fortunately when the “chakra rings” are formally released as soon as we can get this website established. They will retail at $499.99 USD but there are certain special offers we are contemplating to mitigate or even outright eliminate such costs. Once the core “early adopter” audience of chakra rings have been healed Mr. Seng and I will be able to use the health efficiencies and mental power of just 1,000 chakra ring users to establish a new government that can provide the rings to all people regardless of income.
Thank you for listening on this day: DAY 1 of life “A.C.R.,” or “After Chakra Rings!!!!!” I am only privileged to have had the opportunity to share this with you, my first followers!!!
May You Be Healed With Laughter,
Steve Junior
C. R. User #2/7,000,000,000