You are back! We have been smoking illegal cigars and going through the medicine cabinet, tossing out expired painkillers.

Henry Miller taught me how to cheat at poker by bending card corners and how to seduce a woman with only the power of my eyebrows (one up; one down). He also told me that the the secret to a good bordello is the number of floors. "Never go to a bordello that has less than four stories," he said, while leaning forward so close that we almost brushed noses.



His breath is terrible, but there is deep wisdom in the stink of his exhale. I only wish that he would tie his robe more tightly. You don't think he is hitting on me, do you? He's Henry Miller, right? He doesn't go that way, right?



HENRY MILLER'S "BATHROOM MONOLOGUE TWO" BREAKDOWN

00:21 He's not exactly Larry Flynt, is he?

03:41 Hey baby, look, I want to get enlightened, and you need to get paid, so look, I am going to the end of the tunnel, and you are going to help me out, okay? Let's do it "satori-style." One hand...SLAPPING.

04:26 Stop fucking hitting on me, Henry Miller. Stop fucking hitting on me for two fucking seconds, okay?

04:59 Ah, I see. So that story was about doctors. Okay, alright, I buy it. But I'm not "getting sane" with you, Henry Miller. I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry.

06:20 Aw, that's not fair. What is more sexy than "weazened?" You see a man or lady who is properly weazened, you better get a phone number, you hear?

07:00 Yeah, man. Who knows what that shit is? That guy was crazy.

07:30 You're Chinese? Alright, alright. Come here, come into my bathroom. Alright, stand there and look at that. Tell me what that is. Tell me what that means. We're not leaving until you interpret this inscrutable thing on my bathroom wall. Hold on, let me get my notebook...

09:05 I only found out they were whores later, Henry Miller.

09:20 So...if you give a Japanese girl a paper towel, expect to get slapped.

09:46 I think it is common decency not to crackle your come-rag in the presence of an equinanimous spouse. This is just common decency that every decent person grows up knowing.

*FLUSH!*

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Posted by miracle on Fri, 16 May 2008 00:20:10 -0400 -- permanent link