He's dead, big deal. Keep moving. He got it all out. Done deal.



There's nothing to say about him; not really. Nothing special. He worked so hard and so well that he became his work. What more could a writer ask for then to die in Mexico, spending the cheddar from his last score?

Except also to be read.

Here, sit down. Better yet: stand up. I've got something for you. I got it from a friend; I won't say who. Can I trust you?

Of course not; but I planned for that. Put this in your pocket. Goodbye. You look good. How have you been?

What are you drinking?


***


THE WESTLAKE CAPER

The score: steal all of Donald Westlake's Parker and Dortmunder books!

If you take advantage of this, do the right thing and post these instructions somewhere else. Have a little ethics!

PHASE ONE: First up, sweetheart, you are going to need a torrent client. Maybe you've heard skinny kids in coffee shops talking about torrents, asking about torrents, writing the word "torrent" on napkins and underlining it and then eating the napkins. It's a big operation: a whole powerful technology exclusively created to make theft fast, efficient, and hard to uncover. Mainly, it's for movies and music, but it works just as well for books. In fact, books are so small that getting them is practically instantaneous. How fast is instantaneous? You get up to pour yourself a cup of coffee and then you are done. It's "strange times" when it is actually easier to steal things than to buy them. Makes you wonder, right?

Anyway, it works like this: everybody who wants a certain file downloads the complete skeletal structure of the file to their computer. That's the torrent. Then, when they use the torrent, they download and upload at the same time. You can't "get" without "giving," so there is some risk, but it is spread out. Diluted. The data never stops moving, so it can't be traced. You steal and share, and then you've done your bit. It's a swarm job.

The two biggest torrent clients available these days are uTorrent and Vuze. Get one of them. Toss a coin, whatever. Now you've got your tool. You should never trust your tool, but you should always have one anyway.

PHASE TWO: Once you've got your client, you are going to need your torrent. These can be difficult to find and you end up going to a lot of dingy, filthy websites, poking around, and riddling your registry with lice and diseases. It teaches you a lot and it can be good for the soul, but it's always dangerous.

Look, I won't lie: I know people on the inside so I went ahead and did all the dirty work on this one. Here's your torrent. It was damn hard to find. I think you will find it has everything you need, plus a little extra for your trouble.

PHASE THREE: There's only one problem.

There's always a problem, isn't there?

If things look too easy, then it's a trap. Nothing is easy, except doing nothing.

Anyway, all these books are coded for the Sony Ereader: that new Jap device they are trying to push downtown. But I found a way around that. There's some guys I know -- they say they are Turkish, although I suspect they are Eastern European -- who don't like the way Sony does business. Anyway, they made this, which will help you read these books, if you are sharp enough to install a little homebrew software (and I know you are).


***


Goodbye John B. Allan, Judson Jack Carmichael, Curt Clark, Tucker Coe, and Timothy J. Culver. Goodbye J. Morgan Cunningham, Samuel Holt, Sheldon Marsh, and Alan Marshall. Goodbye Alan Marsh and Edwin West.

Goodbye Richard Stark.



Goodbye Donald Westlake.

It all went wrong one last time.

Posted by miracle on Tue, 06 Jan 2009 21:00:55 -0500 -- permanent link