Apple Releases iPad, Big Fucking Deal
So fucking Apple has finally released their fucking Apple iPad. It's a fucking touchscreen tablet computer. Even Steve Jobs knows this is bullshit. Every time he says the word "phenomenal" here, imagine him saying "IS THIS WHAT YOU FUCKING PEOPLE WANT SO BAD, YOU RETARDS?"

Apple will also be hosting a fucking ibooks site where people can buy bullshit epub files or some shit. Also, you will be able to code "apps" for this goddamn thing and sell them if you want to rich people who have all sorts of gold chains dangling from their rich, thin wrists. Apple will of course take a big fucking percentage.

Note: this goddamn fucking thing is fucking internet browser. You knew this was what it was going to be. Now that you have seen it "in action," you know it changes nothing. Once there is a good knock-off PC equivalent, this thing will be just another curiosity that helped kill publishing, because all those people "in publishing" use Apples, even though most readers do not. You can't swing a sopping sack of oozy rat anuses in New York without accidentally knocking somebody's iPhone out of their hand.

oh man oh MAN are people going to get jumped for these ipads. oh man oh MAN. They are as big as a TV! Imagine standing on a street corner, looking up your directions on one of these. Oh SHIT -- you are toast.

And you know what kind of books you are really gonna be reading on this bastard after publishing wigs out and goes bankrupt coding expensive-ass "apps"? Google books. Scribd books. And any other books that get coded as simple, elegant web pages. Which has already been true for like ten years...

Posted by miracle on Wed, 27 Jan 2010 14:46:20 -0500 -- permanent link

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