Seance FAQ

Q: So I heard you guys are going to have a seance this month.

A: Where did you hear that? Did you receive this information in a "heart vision" or perhaps during a guided automatic writing session?

Q: The internet -- I don't know.

A: Well. Anyway, your intuitive insight is correct. We have booked the KGB Bar for Saturday, August 28th at 7 PM, where will be gathering together in order to pierce the veil between life and death. We want to interrogate New York City's most iconic dead writer and ask him questions about the state of modern fiction, an art form which many people have also claimed is dead.

Q: Why August 28th?

A: It is a pretty important day, spiritually. It is the birthday of Goethe, Tolstoy, Jack Kirby, Shania Twain, and Jack Black. It is also the day that Prince Charles and Princess Diana were divorced, in addition to being the day that legendary bullfighter "Manolete" was gored to death in Linares, Spain.

Q: Which iconic NYC writer are you talking about? Jonathan Safran Foer is still alive. You don't have to do a seance. You could probably just call his publicist.

A: No, our goal is to get in contact with the spirit of Mr. F. Scott Fitzgerald. No one encapsulates the soul of New York triumph, despair, and excess better than F. Scott Fitzgerald. His fortunes rose here and then fell here. He may have died in California, but his spirit will forever be intertwined with the spirit of this godless Hell Island.

Q: How do you intend to get in contact with the ghost of F. Scott Fitzgerald?

A: We are going to tap into the latent occult energy of our audience using every trick we can think of, including jazz, and then we will command the spirit of Mr. Fitzgerald to possess one of our own editors, Mr. Xerxes Verdammt. Verdammt will be preparing for the ritual all week by reading Fitzgerald biographies, visiting locations in the city important to Fitzgerald, listening to jazz, and drinking.

Q: You guys aren't REAL psychics. How are you going to raise a ghost? You guys are full of shit.

A: We are not full of shit. We may be amateur mediums, but we are pretty sure we know what we are doing. In fact, we have special equipment. We have fucking MIND-MACHINE-INTERFACE equipment that you don't know about.

Q: What are you talking?

A: At this Fiction Circus, our very own 2600 Club madman, Mssr. Goodman Carter, will be deploying a brand new method for interacting with the electronic and chthonic worlds -- a dangerous, untested electronic peripheral called EMOTIV BRAIN TELEKINESIS TECHNOLOGY!

Q: Emotiv brain telekinesis technology? What the fuck?

A: Here, look at this:

We've got one of these EEG machines and we are going to repurpose it to help us shoot psychic wads of ecto darts into the ethereal plane. We are going to pop Mr. Fitzgerald in the neck with one of these ecto darts and drag him back to base camp.

Q: What if you open a portal to a dimension of pure evil and drag all of New York with you?


A: Probably this happens four or five times a night in this city. Do not worry. We are pretty sure that New York is the dimension of pure evil that other dimensions are worried about.

Q: Will there also be fiction readings at this seance?

A: Hell yes, we will have fiction readings. If all goes according to plan, Christopher Herz will be reading from his badass supernatural gentrification political thriller "The Last Block in Harlem." Christopher Herz is easily New York City's hardest hustling young novelist, and his psychic energy output alone (measured in ergs) ought to be enough to help us bust through to the darkling plane.

Q: What questions are you going to ask Mr. Fitzgerald?

A: We will be soliciting questions from our audience and from members of the press. This will be the first time in fifty years that you will be able to get quotes from F. Scott Fitzgerald ON THE RECORD. Perhaps you would like to ask him what he thinks about the recent stock market collapse? Or perhaps you would like to ask him how he feels about the rise of the ebook marketplace? Maybe you are curious about his relationship with Zelda, or with his own children? It is up to you. We will provide the ghost.

Q: What are the three takeaway PR points that I should get from this FAQ?

A: 1). The Fiction Circus will be holding a seance to raise F. Scott Fitzgerald from the dead so that New Yorkers can ask him questions in this time of trouble. 2). In order to do this, we will be using an Emotiv EEG machine to channel psychic energy into a spiritual chokepoint, infusing one of our own editors with the ghost of this famous dead writer 3). Christopher Herz, author of "The Last Block in Harlem," will also be reading from his novel at this event.

Q: Why do you think this is a good idea? This is not a good idea. You are messing with forces that you don't...

A: ENOUGH! Saturday, August 28th at the KGB Bar, at 7 PM. WE WILL RAISE THE DEAD.

Posted by miracle on Mon, 23 Aug 2010 09:08:31 -0500 -- permanent link

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