How to Read Fiction at Work
We figure one of the biggest audiences for fiction these days is people bored at work who can't watch movies or listen to music, and who are supposed to look like they are working at all times, or -- at the very least -- not ACTIVELY masturbating.

So, to that end, we are here to help you cheat at work better today with a few helpful programs.


First of all, there is

This is a helpful service created by people in New Zealand who have created a piece of art that also has functional utility (the best kind). They have taken some of history's greatest works of fiction, and they have converted them into PowerPoint presentations that look exactly like the numbing PowerPoint presentations you should be reading.

They also have managed to make your browser look like a desktop, so you can read these presentations on a ROSY BED OF DILIGENCE.

The PowerPoints are a little bit difficult to get used to at first, but eventually you learn to love them. I believe that the PowerPoint version of "Animal Farm" is EXACTLY what George Orwell would have wanted, and if he were alive to see it, he would weep at his sudden relevance.


Next up, we have a more robust tool,

Go here, choose your favorite copy of Word, and enter "" I'll meet you on the other side.

Really, this is the ideal form of The Fiction Circus; the form we envision in our minds and yet which we know would not be palatable to the tastes of the modern internet consumer. So, if you are purists, we would almost insist that you read us this way -- sans images, sans bullshit.

This program does not support PHP, however, so there are some complaints: namely, that you can only read the stories from the main page. Still, you must admit that this is aesthetically powerful. Additionally, the "BOSS" key at the top will take you to an important lesson for any fiction writer.


So, with these tools at your disposal, you have no choice but to spend your time reading fiction instead of doing whatever else you would be doing: designing boxes for cold and flu medicine, ghostwriting for late-stage lepers who have crippling finger lesions, installing puppet governments in East Asia.

As always, you are welcome.


Posted by miracle on Wed, 04 Jun 2008 10:15:34 -0400 -- permanent link

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