I Obscenity in the Milk
According the LA Times, the two candidates from the major American parties running for president this year both have the same favorite book.

It's "For Whom the Bell Tolls," by Ernest Hemingway.

Ah, that's precisely the kind of calculating cowardice that keeps you from blowing up the right bridges. I mean, I like that book, too. But still -- fuck the both of yis for your lies. This is the most bullshit "favorite book" you can have as a political candidate:

1). It is a book about a teacher from the midwest named Robert Jordan who goes to Europe to fight fascism. Controversial!

2). The main character -- JUST A NORMAL GUY -- gives up his life to a worthy cause; an ideal; a passion. Allegorical!

3). There is a sad, lonely, decrepit old rebel named Pablo who doesn't believe in the fight anymore. After he gives up hope, Pablo's wife, Pilar, takes over the rebel alliance. She gets things done. And SHE believes in Robert Jordan. Topical!

4). For obscure reasons, Hemingway eliminated all "fucks," "shits," "asses," and "cunts" from this book, even in Spanish. The famous censored Spanish curse you'll remember is "I OBSCENITY in the milk of thy BLANK (courage, politics, manhood, etc)" an imprecation which happens with some regularity. By the end of the book, you will not ever want to drink Spanish milk.

5). And oh, that fucking John Donne poem. About how we are all connected and have to work together to get things done. Goddamn, why don't you people all just say your favorite book is "Johnny Tremain" and let's get this charade over with?

John McCain's Real Favorite Book, obviously: "120 Days of Sodom," by the Marquis de Sade.

Barack Obama's Real Favorite Book, obviously: "The Dead Zone," by Stephen King.


Posted by miracle on Thu, 26 Jun 2008 16:54:36 -0400 -- permanent link

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