"Should we scratch out the personalized jokes we have scrawled in the inside front covers and try to sell them at half-price?" said Elizabeth Merchant, a publicist for Random House. "Or maybe we should do some viral marketing and just give them out on the street? Oh fum; this ruins a whole column of our spreadsheet for literally every book we are publishing next quarter."
However, despite being very busy and working something like eight jobs to put food on the table and to rest their cunts and dicks on pillows behind "windows," The Fiction Circus has graciously decided to absorb the LA Times Sunday Book Review, and will now be accepting copies of books to review (or to ignore) as they see fit.
"Send them to us," said Miracle Jones between bites of cabbage mixed with chocolate chips for color (and flavor). "Send them to us and we will read the fuck out them. We will read the fuck out of them, and think about them, and then we will make sure they are reviewed all to goddamn hell. Those books will be so motherfucking reviewed, that they will need to go to a support group together to deal with their feelings of invasion and violation. Those books will stare at each other timidly over cups of coffee and weep and touch knees. Shit, we'll even put two lines about your book at the bottom of each review, so that you don't have to scan the article for good quotes and take them out of context. We'll do that fucking job for you, like every other fucking job, you assholes."
Dr. Stephen Future could not be reached for comment. He was found later in his office, staring at a portrait of T.S. Eliot and playing chords on a piano, seemingly at random. Verdammt, Hero, and Carter all said the same thing, and it was funny every time:
"The LA Times has a book review? Weird."
Posted by miracle on Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:20:30 -0400 -- permanent link