Deidre Dare, an American finance lawyer and senior associate with the British outfit Allen & Overy, has been banned by her law firm from continuing her online sex-and-mayhem novel called "Expat," a story of a young female professional living in Moscow and exploiting the city, herself, and others in creative, self-destructive ways.

Her book has been coming out in weekly installments on her blog called "Philosophy Can Be Sexy." Her blog is larded with revealing photogrpahs of herself that are meant to provoke wild, unrestrained thoughts in the reader:

A neck!



An armpit!



Some knees!



SHE WILL DO ANYTHING TO PLEASE!

"The Daily Telegraph" reported that her law firm decided that Dare's book was TOO HOT, TOO UNPROFESSIONAL, and TOO REVEALING and told her to take it down.

Maybe so. Here's the first paragraph:

CHAPTER ONE: Dasha

There is something thrilling about being in bed with a Frenchman, even if he does have a small cock which he can't get up, I thought, as Pierre gently kissed my eyelids and stroked my face. I sighed as if in pleasure, when, really, my mind was occupied with the thought that it is disappointing how European men seemed to have little boy cocks that put you more in mind of diaper changing than fucking.

My eyes have certainly been opened.

"HEY DEIDRE, I READ YOUR BOOK. WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT FRANCOIS IN ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE?"

"No, my book is all fiction. I go home and I write all night long, obviously, like Scott Turow and John Grisham who write about rape, murder, and drugs all the time. Nobody accuses them of being unprofessional and the double standard here is glaring and appalling. Moscow is a boring, dangerous hellhole, and I am bored, so I have been expressing myself."

"I HEAR FRANCOIS IS A REAL LADIES MAN BUT GETS WHISKEY DICK SOMETIMES."

"Are you listening to me? You aren't listening to me."

"BETTER STOP PUBLISHING YOUR STUPID FAIRY TALE OR ELSE I'M GONNA MAKE YOU BLOW ME! HA HA HA! HIGH FIVE, FRANCOIS!"

While Dare has not been canned yet, she has been told to cease publishing her novel on peril of her job and reputation.

Currently, her novel reaches a climax where the protagonist is put under arrest at a gala soiree, and then features this titillating message:

"The author has been forbidden from publishing further chapters of "Expat" for the time being. She will resume if and when she is permitted to."

In America, it is illegal for companies to crack down on the blogs of underlings as long as the employees aren't giving away trade secrets or criminally harassing other employees. To the contrary, as far as I can tell, Dare is doing exactly what she should be doing based on Allen & Overy's mission statement:

The tree analogy best illustrates what Allen & Overy must achieve to be global: broad international cover with deep local roots.

We must be present in those locations which are the source or destination of the major international capital flows and in the financial centres that handle those flows.

Dare is all about managing the flows of deep roots. She should be given a raise.

Or perhaps Dare has been warned about her novel because she is giving too much away and spilling the beans on A&O's special niche.

From Allen & Overy's PR department:

In a special report in the Financial Times, Allen & Overy has been ranked one of the best workplaces in the UK.

Genevieve Tennant, Director of HR, commented: "We have done a lot of work in recent years to give our staff rewarding careers. A significant part of the ranking is based on feedback from employees so our position is very positive."

Perhaps A&O is such a swell place to work because of all those drugs and orgies. Lawyer drugs! Lawyer orgies! Those are the best kind!

Dare: you have been banned from publishing your novel yourself, but that doesn't mean you can't publish it elsewhere, like say: THE FICTION CIRCUS!

I've read much of it. It's not bad. In fact, it's funny, mean, twisted, and stylish, although your last chapter should be called "Down the Rabbit HOLE," not "Hold." We'd love to take it off your hands, edit it, record it, add some pictures, and host it ourselves. We can make a better website than you can. We can promote better than you: we have the time, talent, and ingenuity. We are a literary publication that loves a good fight. Just let us know. We can't promise you money, but we can certainly promise that your work will be safe and you will be able to finish your goddamn story in peace.


Posted by miracle on Mon, 19 Jan 2009 10:02:25 -0500 -- permanent link