"My name is Miracle Jones and I am one of the editors here at the Fiction Circus. I was born and raised in Texas, but I currently live in New York City. I like wearing a big tophat and drinking whiskey out of a paper cup. My eyes are brown and so is my bullshit."
"I have traveled a very long way to be here, but I won't waste your time with unnecessary details or frilly chatter. I have been nursing a dream for a long time, and now I am finally making this dream come true."
"I am publishing my latest short story collection -- a nested set of ten provocative stories called "Seed" -- in a flash drive shaped like a miniature penis. The penis will be made out of ordinary squishy dong gel, and, though small, will be quite functional as a genital simulacrum. "Seed" will be a historical first: a short-story collection that you can also stick up your vagina or rectum. That means "Seed" will be available for sale in both the seediest back rooms of dirty sex shops and in the sparkliest literature sections of nice book stores."
"Seed" is not just an idle curiosity, however. "Seed" represents a marriage between humanity's two oldest art forms: the story and the sculpture. I believe that all book stores will someday be repositories of wonders such as "Seed" and that the duty of the modern creator is to infuse the boring material world with fascinating artistic information. I envision that someday even lamps and toasters will be filled with fiction, comics, and movies. Tophats will contain whole worlds!"
"Seed" will not only contain the ten stories of my collection, it will also contain voice recordings, illustrations, animations, concept art, and many other extras. Additionally, after you upload "Seed" to your computer or ereader, you are more than welcome to delete the stories and use the fun 2 gig penis-shaped flash drive for your own purposes."
"When you buy "Seed," you are not just buying an ebook, you are buying every possible electronic and paper version of "Seed." We will include all thirty proprietary formats for ereaders, including simple text files, .epub, and .pdfs. Additionally, we will also include a specially-formatted .pdf that will allow you to print and bind "Seed" at an Espresso Book Machine or any other "on demand" printer as a real, honest-to-God paper book. You will even be able to choose your own cover."
"Unlike with an ebook, you will not look like an asshole if you give "Seed" as a gift. It is a real, tangible object with weight and presence. The object and stories form a synchronous union that justifies the excess. Like its predecessor the paper book, a seed sculpture such as "Seed" is an eye-catching material object that pries open your imagination and lifts you out of the material world."
"I realize that the stories on "Seed" will be pirated rather quickly. In fact, I encourage this. As I writer, I want the greatest number of people to read, enjoy, and sample my work. But you can't pirate a physical sculpture, and I believe that many readers want a more permanent object than an ebook, and want all of the extras, freedom, amenities, and security that an object such as "Seed" delivers."
"I also invite any fans who may want to contribute relevant illustrations, films, or audio remixes to "Seed" to send me their work. I will upload contributions I like to our server, and it will become part of the constantly evolving "Seed" nugget. There are no more finished projects. There are only finished packages."
"Selling books as seed sculptures gives permanence and literal weight to a work of art, in addition to keeping the art safe from deterioration, deletion, and alteration."
"If a malevolent government or corporation deletes "Seed" from your computer or ereader, the flash drive serves as your permanent back-up, ensuring that when you buy "Seed," you buy it for good and are not just renting. If a malevolent government or corporation deletes "Seed" from your flash drive, you will be able to connect to our server to download another copy. If a malevolent government or corporation deletes "Seed" from our server, then we will replace it with a copy from one of our own flash drives. A seed turns a book into a body with DNA. The seed is the part of the plant built to survive a fire."
"I'd like to tell you more about the actual stories on "Seed," but I would hate to spoil them for you. If you want to buy "Seed" and you live in New York or Austin, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will deliver one to you personally or tell you where you can get one. Right now, "Seed" costs $20, but the price may go down as we streamline the production process. We are a fiction magazine! Not a factory!"
"If you do not live in New York or Austin, you will just have to wait patiently for "Seed" to come to you."
"We have a limited supply at present but we are working hard to build more. We will begin taking online orders for Christmas soon, and we will also be revealing other big new fiction surprises each month this season."
"Thank you for your time!"
Posted by miracle on Sat, 03 Oct 2009 13:51:34 -0400 -- permanent link