A: Okay. Here's what's going to happen. On Sunday, November 21st, at 8:30 PM at "Goodbye Blue Monday" in Brooklyn, we are going to have a speed dating contest. The Fiction Circus will also read and perform fiction about "relationships" in order to help you get into the right mood to compete.
Q: What? Why?
A: Winter is coming to this Hell Town and this means you need to be at the top of your game. If you are single, you don't have very long to find a mate before the bitter, short days lock you into your lonely apartment for months. If you are in a relationship, now is the time to test boundaries and "flirt with dizzying alternatives" before you are stuck with the same rosy-cheeked asshole for long, lonely nights that never seem to end.
Q: I am in a successful relationship and do not want to compete in your stupid contest, and yet I want to hear delightful short fiction.
A: Couples will be able to compete AS COUPLES if they so desire. If you and your partner like to do "everything" together, then you may enter the contest as a pair, but you must hold hands the entire time so that everyone knows that you are disgusting.
Q: Wait. What the hell is a "speed dating contest?"
A: Our contest will consist of five minute dates, judged by experts who are holding a clipboard. These dates will be single elimination. We will pair you up at random and you will compete to win the date in your bracket! The winner will move up in the rankings until there is only one person left. THE DATE CHAMPION.
Q: What will this date champion win? I am actually afraid to ask.
A: Do not be afraid! The winner will receive a complete, mostly intact tea set from communist East Germany.
Q: Oh shit! I want a mostly intact East German tea set! Is there a butter dish?
A: Yes, there is a butter dish.
Q: Is there a sugar bowl?
A: Yes, there is a sugar bowl.
Q: I am totally gay and do not want to have to date some creepy member of the opposite sex.
A: Do not worry. Dates will be assigned at random. Gender will have nothing to do with date pairings.
Q: What if I meet somebody at this show and fall in love with them forever?
A: God help you.
DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE THE WINTER 2010 NEW YORK CITY FICTION CIRCUS SPEED DATING CONTEST CHAMPION???
Posted by miracle on Thu, 18 Nov 2010 22:25:56 -0600 -- permanent link