Last Saturday, February 4, 2011 in the Common Era (C.E.), Dr. Stephen Future and I performed an experiment, the effects of which are far-reaching. This experiment attempted to gauge the physical, mental, and spiritual effects of fiction on a "normal" young woman, Anja Keister. It is so often the fate of scientists today to see their work go unread in obscure specialized journals that are purchased only by those working in their specific field. (In fact, some literary journals that cater explicitly to those seeking to become Masters of Fine Arts enjoy the same fate.) For this reason, I am using this podium to display our findings.

On the date of the experiment, Dr. Stephen Future presented the dream machine he had so carefully crafted: the FC-3000. This machine made the trip from Brooklyn to Manhattan and back to Brooklyn that night on public transit, where onlookers marvelled at the sight. Somewhat similar in construction to a Reichian orgone accumulator, the machine allowed the energy of fiction to concentrate in the chamber until the young woman, Ms. Keister, felt the effects fully.



Before the experiment began, the young woman was questioned in order to assure the audience that she was a "perfectly normal girl." During the questioning (which was necessarily thorough), Goodman Carter took off Ms. Keister's hat and placed an electroencephalograph on her skull. The electroencephalograph (EEG) took readings of Ms. Keister's brain's biofeedback, and although it registered off-the-chart readings upon her responses to a few questions, it was decided that the experiment would continue as planned.



Chavisa Woods read from "Eye of the Tiger," which is the first chapter of her new novel. Cigarettes burned skin again and again and lines of cocaine benzoylmethylecgonine were insufflated into nasal cavities.

Goodman Carter then read his short story "Surd Evil," which focused on the incredibly difficult reconciliation of scientific and theological concepts. He occasionally took a moment to run his hand through lights amplified by a stimulated emission of radiation (or, more commonly, lasers).

John Fowora followed by performing his new short story "Eject Me A Cigarette," a story about ConEd stealing energy from homeless people's bodies using a terrible weapon. The story was set to a drumbeat that Fowora himself had created in his lab.

Finally, Dr. Stephen Future read "Myra's Seven Conversations," a story that attempted to analyze concepts that scientists often find difficult: early sexual experiences, emotional reactions to relationships, and death.

After the audience applause died down, Dr. Future readied the chamber to expel Ms. Keister from it. Ms. Keister -- with lipstick smudged haphazardly across her face -- proclaimed, "I am innocence... and experience!" She then ran out of the room. From the EEG data that was taken along with the immediately apparent transformation of the subject, the message of science was clear: fiction can make a good woman go bad.

Posted by kevin on Thu, 10 Feb 2011 21:51:39 -0600 -- permanent link